Moving On
I really missed my blog! I was so busy with so many things these past weeks that I wasn't able to come up with anything to post here. I feel so guilty, it was like promising a friend a visit and failing to do so. I kind of lost my guts to write about anything when I felt so depressed about my work. It nearly broke my heart when I was told of awful things that I believe I don't deserve. I remember it was 2 days before Holy Week when I marched in and out each day with a heavy heart and a crushed spirit. I just can't find the inspiration to do anything special. I just do the usual things I needed to do; live, be a mom, work (because I have to), talk to people at work I don't want to set my eyes on (because I have to), wake up early each day knowing it'll be another sad one and coming home forcing back tears so my family won't see my sadness. For a moment I lost my identity, I lost my dreams and I started to think about what those three persons at work told me. Am I really a failure? their voices were like echoes following me everywhere I go and I started to hate myself.
Holy week came and I was able to stay home for 3 days, 3 complete days with my family, 3 days hearing my kids' laughter...those 3 days were the most peaceful, heart and mind calming days of my life. I reminisced my childhood when Lola Esing (the owner of the house where I lived since birth who treated me like her real grand daughter) taught me how to pray the rosary, and pray the novena to Our Mother (Our Lady) of Perpetual Help. She taught me to pray and go to church every Sunday, when Lola Esing died I don't have a regular companion anymore in attending mass on Sunday. My white rosary (she gave me) can be hardly recognized, I became busy finding myself in this busy world. Maybe God allowed me to have her for a Lola to make me realize that whatever happens along the way I will learn that prayer is the best solution. Those 3 special days taught me to offer everything to God; happiness, hatred and sorrow. I once again prayed the rosary, regained confidence in myself and wake up each day believing that each new day is a day closer to my dreams for my family.
When I went back to work I no longer feel hatred towards those who hurt me but instead I feel pity for hearing them spread gossip about others and failing to use their authority to inspire and influence people in a good manner. My husband and I were surprised after a few days when his aunt, a real estate agent invited us to a house tripping. Come May 1, after our tripping, we ended up with a decision to start availing of a property. That day opened a new door for us and gave a step closer to one of our dreams...building our own home. Prayers healed me and taught me not to stop dreaming and believing in God's kindness.
